Creepy crawly, grave pickers tongue remover

 I decided to do something unbearably cheesy toady, and went to an attraction known as the London Dungeons. As I was not able to take any pictures, it does mean that there are no pictures sadly. So I will give you some shots of London I did earlier in my trip. These ones are of the sun setting outside my hotel room.

The London Dungeons was hilarious. It was like a gigantic upscale carnival spook house. The actors wore gory paints, and acted very spooky. The crypt keeper walked around with a gigantic stick knocking on the floor. It was funny, cause the actors did not break out of character at all, and when a clueless patron (a blonde woman I had been behind of in line, she liked to threaten her bratty kids and swear at her husband) would not move she stood behind her chatting away nonsensically and banging her stick louder until she moved. Did not break character in the slightest. We were lead through the best mirror maze I have ever seen, allowing most of the group to psyche themselves out. One girl kept hitting her friend and saying "I hate you so much right now Jess!" the entire time. It was a good build up.

We met a body collector, and learned about the Great Fire of London. Where shuffled through burnt out buildings to a Sinister Surgeons table. The Surgeon spoke not a word, but gestured horrendously for us to get in place. She then grabbed the most squeamish person she could find to strap into a chair next to her, and we watched as an autopsy was performed (not on the person strapped in the chair, to the body strapped on the gurney next to her). She then performed "surgery" on the poor strapped in person (who was glaring furiously at their companions, methinks some one is getting smacked fore this).

Then we where shuffled off to the court and torture chambers. There were two Australians in the group, and I have to say, the more Australians I meet the more I want to see this country. I have never met an Australian without a wicked sense of humour. The Torture master seemed to sense this and grabbed the gentleman to sit strapped into his chair while he talked about torture devices.

"All right if this lot can guess what this device is for, I'll torture you. If they can't, then I'll torture you some more!" threatened the Torture Master as he danced around with what looked like a large set of thick iron pliers. "NOW! Can anyone tell me what this device is for?!"

Little boy in the group "Its for picking up sausages in front of them, then dropping them so they can't eat them."

Torture Master (laughs) "Out done by an 8 year old."

 The Torture Master was quite funny as he showed us ways of hanging people from hooks, and even danced around with a device for cutting off people's willies. "Its dull! So its more like 1...2....3 times a lady... if you know what I mean"

Then we were to be tried for our crimes against "God and Country!" in the high court. The other Australian, who also had a gorgeous sense of humour, was promptly accused of witchcraft and put up in the dock for it. The Torture Master exclaimed "She danced nekkid and hereby did move lustfully calling out the name "oh, Beelzebub" and calling upon her familiar! That man with the beard over there!" He pointed to the same poor man he had strapped into a chair earlier.

Judge "Ooh. Not a really good Familiar is it? You! Witch, how long have you been practicing witchcraft?!"

Australian woman "THREE YEARS YOUR HONOUR!"

Judge "Three years?! And this was the best you could do? My Dear, I am disappointed! SENTENCED TO DEATH!"


Torture Master "Well she is from Australia."

Judge "Oh? A repeat offender! SENTENCED TO DEATH!"

Best part came when a they put a girl in the docket and asked her to state her name and where she is from.

"Anna from Birmingham"

Judge "BIRMINGHAM! OH GUILTY GUILTY ALL OF THEM TAKE THEM AWAY. SENTENCED TO DEATH!"

We went on a boat ride next, as we were all condemned traitors now, they really should have a written warning about Birmingham cooties, and we went on a ride. I was by myself so I had to wait a bit before I could be seated, and I ended up at the front of the boat with the cutest little girl I have ever seen. She looked up at me and giggled as she said "I sold my sister! Mummy is in the back of the boat, she is really scared!"

Me "Don't worry, we will scream the loudest for everyone!"

Oh my she was hilarious! I can't say too much of what happens next as chances are I will give too much away about the ride. But it was a blast and as cheesy as I thought it was going to be. I love it incorporated Sweeney Todd (my favorite part of the experience), Jack the Ripper and seances afore we were all "hanged" at the end. I am glad I took the day off from museums and historical sights to enjoy a little bit of fun. Before I go though, I have on last picture for you all.

This is the picture of the Lion on the side of one of the bridges spanning over the River Thames (don't know the name of it, its not Tower Bridge or London Bridge though, and honestly there are like 50 bridges over the River Thames). It was right before the London Eye, and honestly this is one of my favorite pictures of the whole trip. Until next time!